Date: July 31, 2011
The original article is in Chinese. I found it from this web site... I thought it was beautifully written ... Got to learn .... and got to share too... and I will add in some English comments (beware of grammer mistakes and typo ...)
http://jiaren.org/2011/07/29/fuqin-2/
But I think the Author is 吴晓明 from http://www.70man.com
一个父亲的忠告：别让孩子替你实现梦想，18条忠告，浓浓父子情。
Some good advises from a father: Do not let your child to fulfill your dream. Here are 18 advises for you.
一位父亲18个忠告：把孩子培养成普通人
Raise your child to become a "Normal Person"...
1、也许你有很多梦想没有机会实现，别让孩子代替你实现，记着，那是你的梦想，不是孩子的梦想。如果你刚刚为人父母，其实还有时间实现自己的梦想，就当给孩子做一个榜样。
#1. In your life, perhaps there are a lot of dream that you have not fulfill, please do not make your child to help you fulfill. Please remember, those are your dream, not your child's. If you just become a parent, there are still time for you to fulfill your dream, go and fulfill it and make it an example for your kids.
[Comment] This is true. I wished I could play better in tennis, but it does not mean that your kids love tennis. So, no wonder, when I sent Jay to a tennis course, he does not show lots of interests. But we pull a full stop on that, and let him choose what he want to learn. Violin, swimming are all what Jay wants to learn.
2、请蹲下来和孩子说话。
我喜欢这样和她讲话，对于孩子而言，更要给予足够的“尊重”，换句话说，对于超过3周岁的孩子，你就不能把他当作“小孩”，而是一种平等的关系来对待，如何平等呢，身高先平等吧。
#2. Please kneel down and speak to your child.
I like to talk to him/her this way. To your child, you must give a certain "respects". For those child who is more than 3 years old, you cannot treat him like a "kid" or "baby". And you shall need to treat him with a certain equality. What do you mean by equality? First, let talk with the same height.
[Comment] As a parent, this is very valid indeed. Although it is not possible to kneel down to talk, but I think it is a very good idea especially to young toddler who is becoming brighter by the days. I love this!
3、小孩子一起玩的时候，他们之间的问题让他们自己去解决。
他们争吵也好，打架也好，我觉得都是他们的事情，父母千万不用掺杂于孩子们之间的“冲突”。小孩吗，打完就打完了，一点也不会记仇，不过5分钟又玩到一起去了，而大人往往就不是这样，同时，大人也不应该过于用“言语”上去“教”孩子对付这种事情，能做的，就是一种积极的引导。
#3. When the kids playing together, let them handle their own problems.
They fought, they argues, I think this is between them. As a parent, usually don't put yourself in between them. For kids, once they fought, they will forget. 5 minutes later, they are playing again. For adults, it is usually not the case. At the same time, parents need not to "lecture" the kids on this sort of matters, what can be done is to provide guidance (not using words).
[Comment] My Kay is still a 2 year old. He always get what he wanted. The brother Jay is 5 years old. Sometimes, this is how I guided him. "Jay, you know why your brother behalf like that? That is becomes, you never teach him to behave properly. Have you ever teach him that?" Jay said.. "nope..." ... "See that explains why Kay Kay always do that to you. Also, don't forget he is 2 years old, and he is in PG class, he needs time to understand." Jay noded his head.
4、耐心陪孩子玩游戏，即使你真的认为他的游戏内容很无聊。
他喜欢和我躲猫猫，一点技术含量都没有的躲。还喜欢让我陪他打仗，也是一点技术含量都没有的打，不过我喜欢他游戏时还愿意找我玩。其实，“父母才是孩子最好的玩具”，所以，我们都应该做好孩子的大玩具。
#4. Patiently play with your kids. Even though you think their game is quite boring.
He/she loves to play high and seek. He does not have any technique in hiding. He/she loves to play war game, and he/she has no technique mastering the war game. But I like the idea of when he/she wants to play, he/she still look for me to play with him/her. So, parents is the "best toys" for kids and we ought to become our children "big toys".
[Comment] This is very true. But some times I admit I cannot do 100% of this. But try your best. Yesterday, our cat died. My wife have to bring the cat to vets and put him down. So, I played with my kids, I sang song to them, almost 4 hours straight, three of us are in the air con room, playing all sort of games and toys. I can see Kay Kay have lots of fun, and Jay Jay too act like a big brother. However, every weekend, I do spents lots of efforts by bringing them out to see the world, to feel the world.
5、试试和孩子一起轮流朗读一本经典的故事。
等到孩子大的时候，可以试试，感觉上很有意义的事情，这种“玩乐”其实就是一种很不错的“熏陶”，孩子就是大人的缩影，你怎么做人做事，他也会如何做人做事。
#5. Try to take turns to read it aloud a classic story tale.
When your child get older, you can do this. The child is the mini-you (parent). He or she will copy all your actions.
[Comment] I can still remember, when I read the books to Jay, I usually do not read it from the book. But I turn off the lights, and tell him the tale from my mind. I created the "Shinkansen Boy" story for Jay, and make him think that he is the hero. And and the end, he start telling me his idea how the story should end. That is a great fun, and that is a joy.
#6. Every month, bring your kids to book store. And every time stay there for 2 hours.
[Comment] The collections in our National Library is great. Especially you go to the Clementi one, all the books are still very new. I would say, every 2 weeks we will spent some time at the library. And Jay just love it. He loves to go library. And he start reading there.
7、让孩子付出一点努力或等待才满足他的愿望，这样他才容易学会珍惜。
现在的孩子缺少的不是“物质条件”，他们的优越感很足，缺少的是“挫折感”，或者说一种“艰苦”环境的锻炼，这种环境下的孩子或许不知道什么叫珍惜。
#7. Let your kids do the hard work then fulfull his/her wish. In this way, he/she will learn how to cherish.
What the children lack of today is not "materials", they always feel good. What they lack of is the "sense of failure". For those was not raised from the poor environment, these kids will not know how to cherish.
[Comment] It is true. What your child wants, you give. This is not so correct. But unfortunately, this is what all the parents do nowadays. Even myself is doing this. But buying toys or bring them to where they want to go will always bring happiness to the kids. Sometimes, you do need to set some rules and let them earn it. Like last time, if you can control your eating behaviour, Jay, I will give you toys based on your weight control. Jay is overweight, where we put in rewarding systems to encourage him to do more exercise and have a habit of good healthy eating.
8、除了赞美，要有惩罚，不过惩罚教育不等于简单的棍棒教育。
这个挺难的，个人觉得，惩罚不能多，但要“狠”，就是说一定要有效果，否则没有记性。
赞美和鼓励还是比较推荐的，但不应该是无原则“说好”，而应该鼓励孩子去做到“好”。
#8. Besides praise, you need to punish. But punishment is not equal to simply caning them.
This is very difficult. In my opinion, you cannot punish too much, but it must be really meant it. And it has to be effective. Otherwise, your kids shall forget about it. The recommended way is still using praise and encouragement, but don't always tell the kids they are good, but always encourage them to learn how to make it or becoming good.
[Comment] Yes. Once a while, you need to punish them, and you need very effective way. Daddy can always be a bad guy, and mommy can always be the shelter to go to. But when the kids has done something seriously wrong, a well effective punishment is in need. And do not soften your heart. Always give an effective punishment.
9、当他耍赖时，绝不妥协。
绝对不能妥协，但是有老人的时候，就难办多了。一般如果只有我们三口在家，比较好办，因为思想比较统一，久了，孩子也知道没有意义了，就好办了。
#9. When he gets unreasonable, never negotiate and give in.
Never give in when the kids getting very unreasonable, and trying to get away with it. However, when you have old folks around the kid, this is very hard. If the kids face only us, the parent, then, usually it is very easy and effective. Because we can shape the mind, and bring out the concept. But when there are old folks around, they tends to side the children, then the teaching will become very difficult.
[Comment] Unfortunately, many of my friends cannot do this. In day time, they leave their kids to the grand parents, sometimes they left the kids to the other grand parents. and Usually the grand parents will side the kids. So, it will make the teaching become very difficult. I am very fortunate, as both grand parents are staying in Malaysia, and Jay and Kay now are brought up in a very unify envinronment, where when you are wrong, you are wrong, and there is no shelter to go to.
10、记住父母的弱点是，孩子越大，我们越是絮絮叨叨他的缺点，请一直用他刚出生时候的眼光去欣赏他。
多鼓励，一定要多鼓励，类似的话一定不要说（你怎么这么笨啊！别人都会，你怎么就不会呢！），对人的打击很大，换位思考一下，别人对你说了这些话，你感觉如何？
#10. Always remember the weakness among the parents. When the kids grow bigger, we always will talk about their weaknesses. Please treat them as if they are just borned.
Give more encouragement! Dont say "Why you are stupid! Other people know, why you don't know!" this sort of comments. It will hurt your kids. Let's put you in their should and some people say that to you what will you think...
[Comment] YES! Totally agree. They kids are not flawless. All these imperfections, you need to guide the kids to correct themselves. Not to always point it out. Think of a way to encourage them to change the habit, etc. The most important thing is, hey, they are only 5 years old or 2 years old, let them have the right to enjoy their childhood.
11、别害怕电脑，沉迷于电视的人远多于电脑，请让孩子远离电视，珍爱生命。
思想比较“深入”，其实很多事情都应该这么考虑，宜“疏导”而不宜“堵”。
#11. Don't be afraid of computer. Those addicted to TV is far more severe than computer addicts. Please allow your child to move away from TV, cherish their lives.
However, the correct method is to guide them, encourage them, explain to them, but not to block them.
[Comments] That is true too. TV programs in these days are really bad. I don't expose the kids to Ben10, violent cartoon. But rather, Disney Channel is the only channel they want to watch. It is more healthier. Also, don't forget to make them look at far side once a while when watching TV. Also, try to watch together with them. And also, plan more outdoor activities when you can so that they can move away from the TV.
12、最迟从小学开始，一定要分点家务给他做。
小家务，2-3周岁就可以了，比如擦擦玩具什么的，孩子比较喜欢做呢，一种“被承认”的感觉，我儿子总是拿大大的拖布或者小抹布，到处擦。
#12. No later than primary school, must give them some housework.
Small kind of housework, you can assign them to do while they are above 2 years old. like cleaning the toys. They have a sense of being regconized. My son always take a cloth and mob here and there.
[Comments] Yes! Do this. For Jay & Kay, when their rice drop to the floor, we always give them the broom to sweep and pick up all those rice or veggie. It is a habit but a damn good habit to train them to pick up their own mess!
13、一开始别太在乎孩子成绩，要关心他是否喜欢学校。
成绩并不代表什么，一是关心他的“兴趣”，是否喜欢在这个学校学习，而对于成绩而言呢，个人感觉，更多看重的是，一是持续地进步（一次比一次好），二是努力去关注和反思“错误”的题目。
#13. Don't be too worry about your child results and performance. What most important is whether he likes the school or not.
Result does not mean anything. You must understand what is his interest, and does he/she likes to go to school, go to this particular schools. As for results, in my opinion, the more imporant is to see if there is any improvements, and secondly, try to concentrate on how to concern and know the wrong doings.
[Comments] OK, one of the disadvantages of not having the grand parents around is you got to sent your kids to school earlier. OK, we don't call it school, but rather play group. Jay and Kay went to Lorna Whiston as young as 18 months. No choice, but rather than puting emphasis on whether they did well in their class or not, we always concern who are his friends, whether he has lots of good friends in school to play with or not. As said, a childhood is still a childhood, I don't care if he cannot hold a pen right at 3 years old, what I care is is Jay or Kay happy in school. As far as I know, they both are popular in school, and they love to be there, and there is a strong sense of belonging. When they grow up, they will eventually learn all these things. You have to let your kids learn things on his own, and at his own pace. However, always check back once a few weeks. Like what I did... I just learned that Jay now can count much faster than 8 weeks ago. So, we never teach too much how to count, and we allow him to learn this from the school at his own pace. Don't be frustrated at the beginning, as the kid will learn and find its way when it grows up. The most importanting is to give him the happy childhood he should have.
14、别上奥数，那里最擅长用培养天才的口号折腾普通人。
个人观点，日常的很多班，钢琴班，跳舞班，跆拳道班，等等吧，适可而止吧，快乐的童年就那么一个，而城里的孩子本来就已经早早地将“童年”扼杀了（3周岁就上幼儿园），快乐健康地成长，养成一种很好的习惯比什么都重要。
#14. Don't sent your kid to special class. It is there that they always use "grooming talent" as the slogan to treat normal people.
There is a lot a lot of classes your kids can go, like piano, dancing, taekwando, etc. Don't over do it. Happy childhood is only once, and those kids who lives in the city already kill the childhood. Let the kid enjoy and happily grow is the most important task.
[Comments] As said, don't force your kid to become yourself. Let them choose what they like, and don't push them too hard. Let them enjoy it. Let them play when young. For me, I always bring them around and make a home video out of it. And always play back the videos so that they can remember the happy childhood. It is very effective and a lot of conversations can be created when watching back those vintage home movies.
15、下棋，游泳，骑自行车，打升级，K歌，这些普通人都爱玩的项目可以早点教会他。
#15. There is no problem to teach them how to play chess, swimming, ride a bike, sing kara-ok.
[Comments] All these are games that every one will learn and like, so, for these games, no harm let them try it when young. Jay and Kay go swimming, bicycle and sing song. They love Terrasa Teng's song.
16、为他培养一种终生受用的兴趣，不论是高雅还是通俗，不论是大众还是小众，音乐，美术，文学，写作，集邮，手工，这些都很好，但请不要仅仅为了考级或升学去学。
这些的确很重要，要不然和别人无法“沟通”，自己也会比较无聊，而这种无聊会伴随很长的时间，这些从小就应该培养。
#16. Groom him with something that he loves as an intertest. Be it big or small interest. But don't do it just because for schooling purpose.
There are some of the interest, as soon as you know they like it, let them have a chance to learn it. If they like it, they will spent time on it, and in future, it is a great conversation piece.
[Comments] Jay one day came back from school said, he wants a guitar. So, the mom bought him one toy guitar. Then, the next thing you see him doing is to put the guitar on his shouder, this is when we both know that we have to buy a real violin and sent him to a violin music teacher to learn the fun of it. It's been almost half a year, and he still likes to go to Mr. Leong class. That is a good sign. Whose gene is that I wonder...
17、让他坚持一样大家都能参与的体育运动，羽毛球，乒乓球，篮球，足球，排球都好。
从小锻炼身体，重要的是引导去“喜好”体育运动，身体是革命的本钱；况且这些体育运动一直都贯穿着我们的学生时代，很受用。
#17. Let him be involved in sports. Any sports.
Play from young, and the imporant is to guide him to have healthy lifestyle. Good health is the best wealth.
[Comments] Yes, swimming, tennis, flying kites, running, bicycling... all these, we started young with Jay and Kay. They love it.
18、爱他，也要一样爱他的爸爸（妈妈），永远。他会记住的也学会爱他的爱人和孩子。
同样，对待老人也一样，爱他的爷爷奶奶，姥姥姥爷，他也会记住将来好好对待自己的父母。
#18. Love your child. And they will also love you. Always, remember he will, how to love others and his future kids. Love the grand parents. And he shall remember how to love his own mom and dad.
Not to bad article and photos. Please enjoy it. For those friends who has kids, please try to follow some of these advise. For those who has not kids, its your choice, your life. But sometimes, put yourself into those parent's shoe, and try to see furthur, and see if there is anything that you have miss or not? Always think about how your mom and dad loves you... and extend this loves to the next generations...
